22 was such a significant number for me before 2021.

It became a favorite.
July 22 the person that I would marry (then later have a divorce thrown at me) asked me out with a South Park e-card
I would celebrate July 22nd every year with joy and gratitude
Him and I were both born at :22
I had our first daughter at 22
I clung to that joy, the meaning

Today makes 23 years since that e-card
Of course my life is completely diff now.
Some might say, why are you even talking about this? Shouldn’t you have moved on?

Yeah, maybe.
These things were what made my world light up and I guess in my heart, it still matters, is all.

“You don’t remember me, but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do

I believe in you
I’ll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you, to live, to breathe
You’re taking over me

Have you forgotten all I know
And all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then

I believe in you
I’ll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you, to live, to breathe
You’re taking over me

I look in the mirror and see your face
If I look deep enough
So many things inside that are just like you are taking over”

“Little variations on my page
Little doors open on my cage
Little time has come and gone so far
Little by little, who you are
I can see the patterns on your face
I can see the miracles I trace
Symmetry and shadows, I can’t hide
I just want to be right by your side

I will give you everything to…

Say you wanna stay; you want me, too
Say you’ll never die; you’ll always haunt me
I want to know that I belong to you
Say you’ll haunt me
Say you wanna stay; you want me, too
Say you’ll never die; you’ll always haunt me
I want to know that I belong to you
Say you’ll haunt me

Together, together, we’ll be together
Together forever, I belong to you
Together, we’ll be together
Together forever, I belong to you”

“If you cried out for more
If you reached out for me
I would run into the storm
Just to keep you here with me

I have gone beyond my years
I’ve wasted half my life
But I found it all in you
Did I save you?
‘Cause I know you saved me too

Let me take a step towards you
Let me feel you in my hands
Let me cross this line
And show you where it leads

There’s a darkness down inside me
That I know we’ll both enjoy
And it’s screaming from within
To set it free

I have left this bloody nightmare
In my wake, but out of sight
And I won this deviation by design

Out of all the past confusion
Out of all the common spite
Just tell me I am yours
‘Cause you are mine”

“It doesn’t really matter what you do or say
I’m never going anywhere anyway
‘Cause when I’m dying for you
I’ve never felt so alive”

“I know the pieces fit
‘Cause I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering
Fundamental differing
Pure intention juxtaposed
Will set two lovers’ souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes
Testing our communication

The light that fueled our fire then
Has burned a hole between us so
We cannot seem to reach an end
Crippling our communication

I know the pieces fit
‘Cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame
It doesn’t mean I don’t desire
To point the finger, blame the other
Watch the temple topple over
To bring the pieces back together
Rediscover communication

The poetry that comes from
The squaring off between
And the circling is worth it
Finding beauty in the dissonance

There was a time that the pieces fit
But I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering
Strangled by our coveting
I’ve done the math enough to know
The dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble, unless we grow
And strengthen our communication

Cold silence has
A tendency to
Atrophy any
Sense of compassion”

Life is so strange

WTF
Being human is weird.

I miss people
Memories that won’t leave me alone
No matter how much I try
Dreams that continue

where does this lead?…

“When all your faith in reality fades away
Who will you follow?

Are we alone now?
I can’t find the way out
Keep waking in the same fever dream
A cure for desire
We’re playin’ with fire
We’re drawn to light
We’re broken and blinded by it
We’re dying for release
If all this fear was born in my mind
I gave you everything you’ll ever be

—
I feel the changes
A crack in the matrix
Break through the lies like an axe through the screen
You can’t stop desire
We are the fire
Wake up to the madness
The rats in the wall are already coming through
Lift this twisted veil from our eyes
Forever and ever”

I hope you know I’m right here.

“I’m biting my tongue
You’re biting your nails
Uncomfortable silence
Down to a science
I wish I was numb
You make it look easy
Losing your person
Emotional surgeon
I thought we’d go it together
Two birds of a feather
Did we fly too close to the sun

Now when I turn off the lights, I feel your hands in my hair
All I see in my closet are the clothes you would wear
When I order takeout, I still order for two
When I look in the mirror all that I see is you
Cause losing your love is like I’m losing a leg
I see that your gone and all that’s left, all that’s left is phantom pain
Take all my love, a thief in the night
Habitually heartless, just me and the darkness
I wish I was numb like you
Then maybe this would be easy
Cause I would give you the air out my lungs”

“‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

You’ve gone away
You don’t feel me here anymore”

July 2003.

The person who finds these lyrics will remember and know.

“Digging deeper in my mind, can’t get you out of my head
There’s no way to describe, just how you make me feel
I don’t know is it love, I have lost control
Even when I’m gone, I can’t get away

I can’t focus, when I’m near you
Do you notice, me at all?
I can’t focus, when I hear you
Do you notice, that I can’t focus?”